Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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