sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
