Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
