I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
