god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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