Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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