I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
