I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
