i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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