fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
