She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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