Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
