I'm gonna have a badass scar
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
