I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
