I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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