I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i dont even know how to be here
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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