the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
