At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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