Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
