areolas are like halos for boobs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
