I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
