we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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