Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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