I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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