They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my being single is dangerous.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
