no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
