Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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