so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize