My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
