i think i have herpe
just one?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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