Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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