forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
