you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
