Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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