i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
