If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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