If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
