I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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