So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize