I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
