Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
