Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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