I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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