Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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