my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
