it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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