I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize