3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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