she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
