My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
