i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
