You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
A+ Viking dick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
