Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
