He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
