you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
