....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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