Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
