and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
