Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
