We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
