bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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