Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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