the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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