Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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