I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
