I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
