The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
