never play flip cup with pint glasses
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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