**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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