You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
